Perhaps it’s because I’m incredibly slow, or perhaps it’s because God is extremely determined and patient, but for whatever reason, I’ve been stuck on the same life lesson for going on two years now. So stuck in fact, that I named this crazy blog for it. This afternoon I sit in a rare moment of alone time in quiet thankfulness that God will not allow me to miss this lesson, regardless of my stubborn, selfish heart.
Throughout the pain of my separation from vocational ministry I have continued to serve in small capacities in the church. Quite honestly this has led to more frustration than joy in most cases, but admittedly that is usually self-induced. This morning I awoke at 6:45 am so I could volunteer during the morning service. I couldn’t resist the urge to remind myself that this is the same time I wake for work every other morning of the week and it would have been really nice to stay in bed an extra hour or so. (How quickly I’ve forgotten the 5am Sunday morning wake up calls from the ministry years…) I rounded up my 12 year old and we hurried out the door so we could make it in time for the 8:00 rehearsal. I arrived with a terrible attitude.
My attitude began to get adjusted though when a teenage boy met my bad attitude with his own attitude of humility and grace. Ouch. I did a quick 180 and apologized to God & the couple of people unfortunate enough to have talked to me.
Ironically, the service was about being with Jesus versus working for Jesus. And I can say that the service was about this, because it was. Everything from the music to the prayers to the message wove itself into a seamless package of resting in the love of Jesus – and I needed the reminder. It used to be MY job to put the service together. I was responsible for choosing the songs and art that would enhance the message and it was MY job to make sure it all happened flawlessly. I loved that job, especially the moments when all of the pieces of something that had been planned weeks before fell into place on Sunday morning and it spoke to someone. This morning that moment happened and it spoke to me. I didn’t plan it or orchestrate it, but the precious volunteer standing next to me did, and in that instant I felt both grateful and envious at the same time. I miss those momentary gifts so much, and yet I’m thankful that they’ve been handed to someone else, because it’s part of my lesson.
Although my bad attitude this morning may not have reflected it (chalk it up to the fact that I am NOT a morning person…), the lesson has not been totally lost on me. I am learning that there is freedom and liberation in Jesus. I’m really learning that. I don’t have to work to earn His favor, and when I start to try now, He smacks me down really fast.
How blessed are we to have a God that loves us this much??? I’m convinced that it is far too great a concept for most of us (especially the type A’s) to grasp, and so we will forever fight the temptation to earn our way or to at least repay the debt somehow, which when you think about it, is pretty ridiculous. I’m sitting here today overwhelmed by Love. Overwhelmed by the red letters I’ve been reading. Overwhelmed by grace.
And I’m sitting here with an overwhelming desire to serve Him out of sheer love. Unforced. Rhythms. of. Grace. Thanks Jesus.
Tomorrow is July 1st. This is Southern Indiana. The temperature and humidity should be sweltering and miserable, but they are anything but. The past three days have been unseasonably cool and pleasant after the first tastes of the summer that we normally sweat through.
“Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation – but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’” Romans 8:12-15 NIV