Rhythms of Grace

A new little person entered the world this morning.  Sammi Jean arrived via c-section a few weeks before scheduled.  She was tiny and stunned and perfect.  She belongs to proud parents Matt & Sandy – my brother-in-law & sis-in-law.  Her early arrival threw a kink in their plans – but that is after all lesson number one in parenting:  Things will rarely go according to plans.

I love watching new borns, but I’m always reminded of how merciful it is of God to block the memories of our first few days on earth.  The things we have to go through to get here.  And then after we arrive – we’re poked and prodded and rubbed and smeared with ink and we have to wear silly looking hats and people stand around looking at us naked.  But if we’re really lucky, those are the same people  who will also cheer us on as we take our first steps, say our first words, chew our first solid food and graduate from high school (not necessarily in that order).  Little Sammi had a support group of grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins – not to mention surrogate family members related by the friend gene.  There were hundreds of prayers being sent up as she prepared to make her first appearance, and even more after she arrived in her “medium well done”  little body.  Sammi is welcomed by parents who now realize they have more love to give than they ever imagined existed & extended family eager to begin the spoiling process.  She is truly blessed and a living breathing gift from God.

I can’t help but think  though, of all the other tiny souls that met flesh today that weren’t given such a welcome.  I know that it’s one of the mysteries of God that some are born with much – and other’s are born with little, but I still try to make sense of it.   I think maybe part of the answer is in the flesh/soul part.  We all are loved beyond measure the moment our souls are created.  Our flesh lasts only a short time – and for whatever reason some of us get to experience fleshly love too.  But ultimately we all have access to the soul love – the kind that matters most.  Someone reminded me the other day of the line “To whom much is given, much is expected.”  Maybe that’s the big lesson here.  Those of us who are blessed enough to get the fleshly love need to try harder to spread it around to the ones who aren’t – so that they can more fully understand the soul love too.

So welcome to the world Sammi.  Rest assured that you have entered into a virtual love-fest complete with striped walls and little hand-stamped ants around your window frame.  You are one of the lucky ones – and from you much will be expected.  Love back.  Love your mommy & daddy.  Love your friends.  Love people who are mean to you.  Love people who don’t look like you or talk like you.  Love them with your smiles, your words and your actions.  And love Jesus.  He loves you so very much.  And many, many years from now when you feel like all the other love is a memory – His will remain.  May you always know that truth.

I promised that once the dark cloud of 2008 had passed I would write some happy entries – and I have one!

The cloud has lifted.  It’s kind of scary how almost instantly it happened.  I don’t know if it was the intentional “Bite me!” that I screamed at the past year or what – but 2009 has begun much brighter and lighter.

Today is Monday – a day normally reserved for grumbling and dread & longing for the weekend past.  But this one was really good.  It might have something to do with the fact that I prayed this morning.  (Ok – I’m sure it does…) School was on time for the first time in 6 months or so which allowed me to get to work a few minutes early and get a jump on my day.  I organized & caught up & learned more things.  I like my job.  I actually do.  I told John last night that I’m beginning to think that God knew what He was doing last year when He allowed the clouds.  Go figure. I had a good conversation with two of my closest friends.   The snow is gone, the temperature is spring-like and my house is clean and laundry is caught up.  What could be better? Ethan has no homework.  We have no commitments tonight.  Dinner is planned & taxes are filed.  Ahhh…sweet freedom.

So I’m going for a walk, cooking dinner & enjoying time with my family tonight.   This walking freely & lightly stuff  (Matthew 11) is all right…

There is so much talk these days from people who say things like “God spoke to me.”  I’ve always been a bit skeptical & envious at the same time when I hear that.  Do they really hear His audible voice?  Because I don’t.  It’s only lately that I’ve begun to understand how He speaks to me.

I was in bed the other night trying my best to go to sleep.  All the events of the day & the looming events of the next were swirling around in my head.  Our almost full grown blond lab Stella was zonked out next to me.  Our huge black lab Kate was on the floor beside the bed & John was in the bed too of course.  All were sleeping.  Stella’s nose was right next to my cheek.  She was sleeping really well & her breathing was slow & steady.  I focused on that.  And then I heard Kate snoring.  Slow and steady and loud.  And then there was the freezing rain on the roof & window, which seemed to meld perfectly in double time with the breathing & the snoring.  I found myself lost in a symphony of living breathing rhythm.  Which got me thinking…

All of life is based on rhythm and has been since the beginning of time.  Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring…thunder, then wait, and lightning…a waterfall flowing over rocks…water dripping from a faucet…birth then death.  I’ve started to notice it all around me.  Basketballs being dribbled, keyboards being pecked, cars on the highway…all rhythmic.  Which brings me right back to the same verse that’s been dogging me for well over a year now…

“Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:29-30 MSG

I don’t think that it’s that God hasn’t been talking to me.  I think it’s that I’ve been too busy to listen.  He speaks constantly doesn’t He?  We choose what we want to hear.  He gave me this verse at a time when I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and didn’t think I could carry it any more.  The thought of living freely & lightly seemed illusive, impossible and down right wrong.  So I disregarded it as simply a nice pretty picture of hope.  But it keeps popping up – over & over again.  And I’ve begun to listen.  I’ve slowed down & left the weight of the world up to the One who IS able to handle it and it’s in that stillness that I’ve finally begun to “hear” Him all around me.  It’s as if it’s unforced.  Hmmm…that’s sort of what that verse says isn’t it???

I feel like I’m getting to know this whole new side of God that I always wanted to be there, but that was hidden from my view.  It’s pretty cool keeping company with Him.