It occurred to me as I began to write Part 3 that I can’t just write Part 3. Part 3 is still very fresh and very raw and I have to be careful with it. Part 3 is my present. And for Part 3 to make any kind of sense to anyone besides myself and possibly three other people in the world, there just has to be another part in between. So this is Part 2 1/2.
I’ve heard it said that if you truly love your job you’ll never have to work. Few people get to actually experience that statement, but I did.
Around the middle of the year in 2000 I had begun to serve in my church as a volunteer. I played the keyboard and sang on the Worship Team. I loved it. Our church had experienced a huge growth spurt and the spurt was quickly turning into an out of control explosion. A new pastor had injected excitement, new life and hope into an already solid congregation and the combination resulted in a whirlwind of changes, building plans and new ministry teams. One such ministry team was the Planning Team. Its purpose was to design Sunday morning services from beginning to end. I jumped on board and before I knew it I was leading it. To say I loved this was an understatement. It was the most perfect place for me. It allowed me to be creative, explore art & music, do ministry and organize all at the same time. After just a few months as the volunteer leader I was asked to join the staff. I was excited and terrified at the same time. To do this meant leaving a stable, secure bank job with benefits for an unstable, church job with no benefits. It went against every grain of common sense I’d ever known and the decision process was grueling. Eventually though, I couldn’t ignore what seemed so obvious. God had led me to this moment in my life and I knew I had to trust Him and seize it.
The following years proved to dispel any doubts I once had. The staff grew quickly, and once it was in place we looked around and saw this group of misfits that could have ONLY been brought together through divine intervention. There was really no other explanation. Only 3 had ministry degrees, and two of them had been fired. The rest of us were a mix of bankers, teachers, salesmen, moms & factory workers – and I loved every single minute of it. We experienced the most amazing things in the years we served together. We saw life after life after life change for eternity before our very eyes. We laughed, cried, celebrated and mourned together. We supported one another loyally and fought with each other without apology. We were experiencing something much greater than ourselves and we knew it. It was scary and at times frustrating, but every single minute of it was worth it. I worked harder in those years than I’ve ever worked in my life, but it didn’t feel like work. I was so happy. I was having a blast because I was right where I was supposed to be doing just what I was supposed to do.
The danger with good times of course, is that we begin to think they will always be good. And when they become not good it causes things to change. Inevitably that’s what happened. I believe what made our staff team great was the fact that each of us filled just the right spot and what one lacked, another fulfilled. The combination itself was what made it work, and to lose any one of the players would mess with the team. But for various reasons that is exactly what happened. One by one, beginning with the pastor himself, our team began to dismantle. Each time someone left I felt like I was starting to “work” just a little bit more. The chemistry was fading and the purpose was getting cloudy. The church I loved so much was beginning to suffer from each change and I felt powerless to help. The more I tried the more I seemed to cause even more hurt. Before I knew it I found myself typing my own resume.
Losing my mom was excruciating. Cancer was terrifying. This was both. Not only was I mourning what I was losing, but I was scared to death of what the future held.
