I’m sitting here on a rainy Wednesday morning just reflecting and thinking a bit. It’s one of those rare times when I have the house to myself – quiet except for the snoring cat behind me and the occasional car on the highway outside. I’m listening to some of my favorite music, just after some reading & a little talk with God that continues. Soon I’ll be off to start the rest of my day which will include a tiny step back into my not so distant past.
And all of this has got me thinking. After months and months of contemplation and trying to figure out – I’ve come to this conclusion: Sometimes I just feel like I feel. Profound, I know. But it is my truth, and I think it’s everyone’s truth really. Sometimes we just feel like we feel. It doesn’t matter what wise and well-meaning friends tell us or what we read or watch or listen to. As wise and beautiful as all of those things may be – they lack the fundamental perspective into my life that is that special thing shared with only God – who I’m convinced is a major influence on how I feel. Just as I cannot tell the people closest to me how they should feel, neither should I think they can do that for me. I have a tendency to rely more on my friends and music and art than I do on God Himself – a result of my own insecurity – always worried that I will misread Him.
But on this rainy, quiet morning I wonder if I have over complicated God. Maybe what I’ve been begging Him to make so clear to me has been clear all along and I just didn’t want to hear it because of all the baggage it brings.
I can sit in a room with my best friends and know with certainty what they’ve told me. And this morning I’ve sat with the closest friend of all – and I think it’s time I listen to Him too.
