Rhythms of Grace

Tomorrow is July 1st.  This is Southern Indiana.  The temperature and humidity should be sweltering and miserable, but they are anything but.  The past three days have been unseasonably cool and pleasant after the first tastes of the summer that we normally sweat through.

So last night I took a long walk.  I left the dogs behind and took my iPod instead.  I listened to some great songs that I’d all but forgotten – songs about God and His greatness and glory and compassion and mercy and might.  I listened to them as the cool breeze blew against my face and as I gazed at a sky that was breathtaking – literally.  The blues were the bluest blue and the sun made the edges of each cloud so clear and sharp that I wanted to reach up and touch them.  I walked until the sun had completely set and watched the blues turn to oranges and yellows and purples and back to deep dark blue again.  My mind was racing and my heart was on overload.

As I got closer to my house I felt great big tears coming to my eyes.  They took me by surprise and all I could do was just say “Thank You.  Thank You.”  I don’t know if I could ever fully articulate why I was thanking Him.  I don’t know if words are enough for that.

I was thanking Him for caring so much for me that He would take away something that I loved so I would grow to love Him more.  I was thanking Him for His mystery and for the fact that He is infinite and I will never, ever have to worry about not being able to know Him more the next day.  I was thanking Him for the beauty of His creation and for the fact that it is only a taste of what is to come.  I was thanking Him for breaking my heart for what breaks His.

When I got home I was a little sad.  I guess I was sad that the walk had to end, but beyond that I was sad that I couldn’t fully express what had just filled my soul.  I think it was one of those times that can only be FULLY expressed through art – the one thing that transcends mere words.

I feel sometimes like I am a creative soul trapped inside an uncreative mind,  which leaves me a bit conflicted in moments like last night.  But I’ll take heart in the fact that He can see past my mind and into the soul that has gotten lost inside it.  How cool will it be when we all will be able to paint and dance and write and sing our gratitude and praises to Him forever?  Until then – I’ll lean on His Word:

“The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.  The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.  The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.  My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.  Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.”  Psalm 145:17-21

I’m feeling particularly grateful today for a God who loves and values me – no matter what.

I learned of the deaths of three people yesterday.

Around mid-afternoon I heard on the local radio news that a second young boy had died as a result of severe burns suffered just weeks ago.  His brother passed away from his injuries just days ago as well.  The boy was only eleven – the same age as my son.  My heart ached for this family and the unimaginable pain they have had to endure.

Moments later the national news came on the radio and announced the death of Farrah Faucet.  Her public battle with cancer had captured the attention of many in recent months, as those who had grown up with her on their TV’s and locker doors now watched her fight to stay alive.

While I was cooking dinner last night I turned on the evening news, only to learn of Michael Jackson’s sudden death.  I stopped in my tracks and listened and couldn’t believe what I heard.  The news anchor said something like this: “We were going to begin tonight’s broadcast with a story about the passing of Farrah Faucet.  But we just learned that there has been an even more tragic death of an American icon.”  Maybe it’s just me, but if I was a loved one of Farrah, I think that might have felt a little like salt in a freshly burning wound.

Thirty minutes of the news frenzy was all I could handle.  I opted to watch the NBA Draft instead.  But sadly, it wasn’t much different.  These talented guys were being unabashedly compared to one another and those before them and were being numbered and labeled and SOLD and TRADED.  The whole process is really disgusting when you think about it.

This was all  fresh on my mind today.  I know this is how the world works.  We categorize and judge.  We reward the winners and we forget about the losers.  It starts in the sandbox, escalates in high school and explodes in the workplace.  It has been the song of the ages and will continue for decades to come.  In this world.

Which brings me back to grateful.  Because THIS world is temporary.  But our God is eternal and He sees value and worth in all of us.  His love is not dependent upon how well we perform or how famous we are.  I believe God’s heart broke just as much for the burn victim as it did for the Pop Icon, and I wonder if  it doesn’t break each time we choose the world’s opinion of our worth instead of His.

God’s Word is simply amazing.  The challenge it presented to me today:

“God is love.  When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us.  This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day – our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s.  There is no room in love for fear.  Well formed love banishes fear.  Since fear is crippling, a fearful life – fear of death, fear of judgment – is one not yet fully formed in love.

We, though, are going to love – love and be loved.  First we were loved, now we love.  He loved us first.

If anyone boasts, ‘I love God,’ and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar.  If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?  The command we have from Christ is blunt:  Loving God includes loving people.  You’ve got to love both.” 1 John 4:17-21 MSG

There is so much packed in that tiny little passage it will take me weeks to absorb.  Some of the most thought-provoking lines:

God lives in us.

There is no room in love for fear.

He loved us first.

Loving God includes loving people.

I fail at this most of the time.  I don’t want to try to love others so that God will love me.  I want to naturally love others BECAUSE God loves me.  There is such a difference, and I know people can spot it a mile away.  I want to live a life “fully formed in love”.   But most of the time I’m just trying.  Does anyone else feel this way, or is it just me???   I’d love to hear some thoughts…

“Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation – but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.  For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’”  Romans 8:12-15 NIV

I’ve been wrestling with this word “obligation” lately.  I don’t like it.  At least in the context of a relationship with Christ I don’t.  I had a healthy debate with a good friend about it this morning.  He argued that we are obligated to serve God because of what Christ did for us.  Here’s why I sort of disagree…

Webster’s definition: something by which a person is bound or obliged to do, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.  OR a debt of gratitude.

Scriptures promise us that we are “sons of God”.  He is our Father.  If I compare this scenario to my own parent/son relationship it doesn’t really add up.

A couple of weeks ago Ethan really wanted a new game on the computer.  He asked & asked until I finally gave in and paid for part of it for him.  Later that evening he put my supper dishes in the sink and took his shower without being asked.  It was really nice having an agreeable son for a change, but I knew why he was doing it.  He felt obligated and was paying his debt of gratitude.  Apparently the debt was paid by morning since things went quickly back to normal.

Contrast that with a couple of weeks earlier.  Out of the clear blue sky, for absolutely no particular reason he comes to me with a big handful of wild daises – beaming.  He told me they were for me because he knows they’re my favorite.  No obligation.  No gratitude.  Simply a  genuine act of love.

Can you guess which one meant more to me?

For years of my life I served out of a sense of obligation.  Jesus died on a cross for me.  That’s a pretty big debt of gratitude to repay.  And that’s what good little Christians are supposed to do.  Serve here.  Give there.    AND – don’t go here.  Don’t go there.

The Church takes obligation and runs with it.  It gets bills paid and volunteer rosters filled up.  Tack on a little guilt and you might even get a new wing on the building.  But there is a problem with this system.  We can never ever serve or give enough to pay that kind of debt.  Never.  God knew that didn’t He?  Isn’t that why we’re told that our debt has been paid?  Isn’t that why Jesus died on the cross in the first place?

But the passage says “brothers, we have an obligation…”  and we do.  We have an obligation to live a life of freedom, because Jesus paid an awful lot for it.  And when we embrace that gift and truly comprehend it, we will ACHE to serve and give.  Genuine acts of love.

Obligation has led the Church to great acts of service and love and redemption over the centuries.  But I wonder if the acts of service, love and redemption that have been chosen through freedom don’t mean a little bit more to our Father.

“So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent.  There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all.  The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life.  God’s Spirit beckons.  There are things to do and places to go!  This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?’”  Romans 8:12-15 MSG